Last night at Banjo Jim's I had the fight or flight response when I got on stage to sing. My heart started throbbing in my chest, my throat got tight, and I felt like I had to pee, even though I had just peed several times. I was looking forward to being back home in NYC, playing and singing in front of people I know and love.
I was bummed that the next fifty minutes might turn out poorly due to unexpected stage fright. Performing is my favorite thing to do when I'm doing it well, and the opposite when I'm dying a slow death out there. If you have ever had a fear of public speaking, any kind of performance anxiety or stage fear, you have felt what I was feeling last night.
In the front of three rows were Abeline and Lucas who had both taken my "Sing Better in A Day" singing class earlier in the day. We had just talked about stage fright. I discussed a number of tools for overcoming stage fright, and there I was with a loud hum going off in my brain and shaky hands. I have been a vocal coach and singing teacher for almost twenty years.
I have given thousands of singing lessons, and worked on performance with hundreds of voice students, I have spent hours and hours helping students with a fear of public speaking, but there I was, sweaty and tongue-tied. All I could do was say what I remembered Joie Blaney telling me - you're not nervous, you're excited to play - and say, "Apparently, I'm very excited to see you guys. I'm really glad you're here."
A singing teacher can get stage fright, too.
A tool came to my head, a singing tip I once learned, and I started to visualize a tiny sun in the middle of my chest. (Lucas called the tiny sun technique "hippy-ish, but useful.") I let the sun grow until it surrounded my body, then until it filled the room. I could open my eyes, and see everyone in the room in my sun. This gave me focus.
In between the first two songs, I allowed myself to take my time as I tuned the guitar; I held my breath, counting backwards slowly from ten, twice. This stilled my diaphragm and stopped my voice from shaking. My concentration grew. (Controlling the diaphragm is one of the most important singing tips I can give a singer or a public speaker.)
I was able to think through the story of the next song, hear the sounds of the piano, and then like magic, I felt like I was swimming, instead of sinking. I had the room and I hadn't peed myself. I became so at home on stage that when I sang the wrong words to "This Can't Be My Life," from my latest album, it became the part of the show everyone felt the most connected to. There are no mistakes in a live show - only improvisation.
I have been friends with comedian, Steven Wright for seventeen years; he told me this morning, he appreciates stage fright, although he'd rather have it not happen.
He said that when he first went on stage he was very, very scared, like most people. And though he has a fairly expressionless face and monotone voice anyway, he was so scared that he had completely no expression, his voice was entirely monotone. He was concentrating so hard on remembering his jokes and saying them correctly in the right order. "You might think of it as a negative, but for me it's a positive, because it influenced what people called my character."
Without stagefright one of the greatest comedians who ever lived might not have been the same character.
It isn't that I'm afraid of being judged, laughed at or forgetting the words. It is a physical response for me that seems to happen at random. Sometimes when it seems like the stakes are very high and sometimes when it seems crazy to think there are any stakes at all. It's cellular; I feel like I'm going to get eaten. My mind goes, "Dance, Monkey, dance or you're going to die.It could happen at any anytime, but I love to sing and play live, so I continue to risk it.
Lucas asked me for a list of singing tips or tools that I use when I have stagefright. These are a few (sometimes just one does the job):
I tell myself I'm not nervous; I'm excited.
I remember, no matter what, I'll be able to sleep in my bed later.
I hold my breath. This works better than simply breathing in and out deeply, as it stops the diaphragm from quivering. Don't blow out hard. Let go gently.
I put myself in a place that feels big and beautiful: the top of a mountain, the ocean, or the woods. I create the whole space in my imagination and bring everyone into it.
I build a tiny sun.
I visualize and follow the thoughts of the song, I create the thoughts, as if they were coming to my mind for the first time. I follow the story.
I imagine the spirits of particular people and sometimes dead pets that ease my mind, and place their faces in various places in the room.
I listen to the music. If I'm fortunate enough to be playing with others, I listen to them playing.
I repeat an inner mantra - every note I sing is beautiful, every note I sing is beautiful, instead of - I am sucking, I suck, that sucked."
I am grateful to people for listening.
I talk as if I were speaking to one friend. I sing as if I were singing to one person.
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Ruth Gerson is the creator of The Singingbelt; she is an and acclaimed vocal coach and singer/songwriter. Gerson has taught singing and songwriting at Princeton University & The Blue Bear School of Music. The founder of San Francisco Vocal Coaching, she has been teaching private singing lessons and singing classes for eighteen years.
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